Hello, and welcome to the awards announcement you have not been waiting for, The Not-Oscars! My annual list of accolades is not the talk of the town during awards season. The nominees are not thrilled to be nominated… because they will never even hear about it! The winners would not like to thank the Academy […]
Read More Not-Oscars 2019Things have changed.
Read More Top Ten Films: 2018“Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend.” Dodgson! Dodgson! We’ve got Dodgson here! Does the fact that Jurassic Park is celebrating its 25th anniversary this month make you feel like a dinosaur? Or does the impending release of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom have you ready to RRRUUUUNNN toward the nearest cineplex all over […]
Read More “Life, Uh, Finds A Way” (#42)“Now, repeat after me: ‘Yo!’” “Yo!” “Hot damn!” “Hot damn!” “What a fabulous window treatment!” “What a fabulou—” “That was a trick!”
Read More “Smart, Clean, Totally Decent Human Being… Gay!” (#26)Steven Spielberg is the most popular, successful, and recognizable filmmaker of all time. He has more films in the AFI 100 than any other director. Adjusted for inflation, four films he directed are in the top 25 highest-grossing of all time (five if you give him credit for Jurassic World). His worldwide grosses are almost […]
Read More An Indisputable Ranking Of Every Steven Spielberg Movie, From Fine To PhenomenalWhether you’re a fan of former president George W. Bush or not, you have to admit his term contained some profound low points, kicking off with 9/11 and ending in a nasty recession. You may or may not blame Bush himself for these and other pieces of unfortunate Americana in the 21st century, but let’s […]
Read More ‘Jobs’ & ‘Homes’: Politics, Technology & Economy In America’s Recent PastOnce again, it’s Oscar time. This year’s race is gearing up to be one of the least predictable in recent memory. For every race that has an all-but-guaranteed winner (Julianne Moore, Best Actress; J.K. Simmons, Best Supporting Actor), there are as many that are truly up in the air — some with not only two […]
Read More The Not-Oscars 2014Much has been made of the weak Best Actress race this year. The Best Actor field is filled to the brim with potential nominees, enough to fill ten slots with worthy performances from 2014. The Best Actress race? Not so much.
Read More These Boots Are Made For Sobbing: Witherspoon Goes ‘Wild’And now it’s time to talk TV. I don’t watch a whole lot of TV, compared to the average American. The number of reality shows I watch regularly — or ever, unless I’m a captive audience — is zero. (Yes, this includes all housewives from any given location, dynasties related to any fowl, and anything […]
Read More Orphan Is The New Bad: The Best Fucking TV Of 2013Okay… Here we go.
Read More Just Cause: Anderson’s ‘Master’ Comes Up Short On EffectIt’s the Golden Globes! And because I currently have nothing better to do, I am watching and blogging about them. (Nominees here, FYI.) I’ll be doing some sort of live-blogging/recap as we go on, so… enjoy!
Read More Hard In The City vs. The Golden Globes: Live Blog & Winners 2012
REAL NOBODY 